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Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Intensive Sex Therapy 

I'm going to hate dying. It might sound like I fear death, that I'm not too keen on the idea of my life 'ending'. It's not that. At the moment I'm one of those people who believe that either: "life just ends and there's no more being after that and there's no point worrying about when you go, 'cos really what's the point in worrying all the time?" or, "existence goes on after death and there's no point worrying about death anyway, just improve your self as much as possible 'cos that's all you can, really, do" kind of people.

No, the reason they'll be dragging me from this reality by my ethereal fingernails is technology. I'll be really, really engrossed in enjoying what I will see as Future Tech 25 (all you Civ fans know where I'm coming from) and will NOT want to leave. I'll be sitting there in my Back to the Future branded hoversuit (oh the irony) enjoying vast amounts of virtuaporn. Playing all the oldschool computer games I didn't get to play during my "adult" life and reviewing countless images and videos from said life. Oh, and there won't be advertising, and I'll go for intensive sex therapy on Mars three, no four times a week and

Oh, I can't wait.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Routine 

My routine: Often as not I don't wake up early. The causes for this are often 'getting home late' and 'being drunk', but other times I've just stayed up late, working or reading. The problem is that I don't always WANT to sleep late. I want to get up and make a day of it. Work and study and enjoy the sunshine. The other side of the coin is that I love sleep. I've been told that, having been such a sick baby, I hardly slept during my first year of life. It's tempting to think that I'm making up for it now... but that's nonsense. I just need to do something about my laziness.

So that is how I very often end up waking up at say nine or ten, which still isn't all that bad, since I work and study from home. I have no hour-long commute to incorporate into my day. But even then I still don't get up. I'll lie on my stomach, with my laptop on the floor next to me. I'll check my email to make sure there aren't any emergencies to take care of and then I'll read. Mostly I'll read blogs and any interesting links those blogs provide, and I'll read some news. But news, especially big media news, is so often biased and... and depressing that I simply don't bother. I spend at least an hour or two a day reading. It really is amazing how much there is to read.

Then it's 12, sometimes 1 o'clock when I finally get up and take a shower. On one hand I feel incredibly fortunate that I'm able to do this, to sit (not even) around and just read for as long as I do. On the other hand I feel guilty. Guilty that I'm not studying harder, working more, DOING more.

Of course there are other factors that deserve mention. Like I don't do this all the time, year in and year out. In fact, I've just finished slogging through the busiest 3 months of my work year and am kinda marking time (relaxing) before the 2nd busiest one hits at the same time as my first semester exams. THAT'S going to be fun...

But still, the guilt remains. And the need to address this default state of inertia. I know there is more I could be doing, other things I could be doing. Better things? Mmh, better is a difficult word. Subjective. I dunno. Like a good art movie this post will have no discernable, loose-end tying, silver platter bearing, Hollywood ending. It will leave you to make up your own mind. AKA the we couldn't figure out the point either, cop-out ending.

FIN.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

gooseflesh 

"Can i see your tattoo?"

"umm, sure."

"wow, it's beautiful. i'm thinking of getting something similar to this circular design you have in the middle."

i ran the tips of my fingers along the aforementioned circular section of her tattoo, a light caress of the skin between her shoulder blades. I noticed the tiny hairs across her back, shoulders and arms were standing upright, her smooth skin had turned to gooseflesh

"it's my own design."

"really? it's awesome."

"thank you."

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