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Monday, November 24, 2003

Simple instructions 

You start by boiling some water, many things start by boiling water. By a small yet happy coincidence, you will be relieved to know that I won't be making reference to childbirth preparations.

You don't need much water, just enough to fill the cup and to leave a little in the kettle after you've poured. So the element doesn't melt the kettle. I don't know if that can actually happen, probably not but I put in an extra bit of water none the less.

While you wait, select a flavour. Will it be good old dependable Chicken? Or everyone's trustworthy alternative: Beef? Perhaps you fancy something special and have already started eyeing the back of the cupboard where that old packet of Chilly Shrimp sits, ignored by the world outside, seemingly resolute with it's fate. I'm going for Beef tonight. Open the top of the packet and take out the little sachet of flavouring, but leave the noodles inside. As the kettle starts making it's low rumbling sound, take a moment to peer into the open packet and appreciate the quiet goodness of it's contents. Marvel at the intricate process, the grand workings of history, that have transpired to put this wonder into your hands. The business acumen required to put together such a grand operation, the mass production of fast-cooking noodles. Admire the symmetry of the noodle latticework. Yes, do it! Stop and smell the roses for once, goddamn you!

Now use both hands and break it all apart. Two or three breaks along the length and three or four along the breadth, all still inside the packet. No point messing bits of perfectly edible noodle all over the place. Don't crunch them up too much, just enough so everything will fit properly into the mug. You've got your mug ready don't you? It doesn't need to be particularly big, a regular one will do.

Tear a corner off the flavour sachet, using one of the consummate V'd edges to make tearing easier and sprinkle most of the powder over the noodles. You can use all of it, but I find the taste simply becomes overbearingly salty that way. Slightly more than half, but no more than three quarters ought to do it.

The water's just boiled, hasn't it? Great. Pour water over the noodles, making sure you wet all the flavouring as you do so. Fill up to just beneath the noodle line. Get a teaspoon and press the top most layer down so it gets wet too. Stir slowly. Sometimes the flavouring likes to sit at the bottom of the mug and smirk at you with it's thick, pasty face, when you discover it there, far too late, having just eaten most of a strangely unappetising snack. So stir things up down there too.

Wait one minute.

You only lasted forty five seconds? Yeah me too. Stick that little so-and-so into the microwave. High it for no more than 30 seconds. If you walked away at this point, don't come back without a wet cloth or something. You need to stay put and watch through the grilled window, finger on door release mechanism, to make sure things don't boil over. It happens quickly. I warned you. While you're there, with your face inches from the high power marvel that is microwave technology, consider the implications of a defect in door assembly procedures. Don't you wish you bought a slightly more expensive model?

Take the mug out. Stir again and wait some more. A whole minute this time, trust me. Stir again. Remember, right down to the bottom.

Turn on the TV, take your shoes off and sit cross-legged on the couch. Eat your noodles.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Slap my ass and call me toots! 

(Inaugural post. wrote it a while ago, Nov 5th in fact.)

Likely my problem with this thing is that I don't know what to write here, I don't know how to start this thing. I feel like I should know where it's supposed to go, like I should have a better idea of what I want to DO with this site. Like I SHOULD do something with it. But stuff that. I'll never get going until I remove a round finger from a round hole and just start.

I've just gotten back from seeing the third Matrix movie. At the moment I'm in that special happy place where I'm still feeling overwhelmed, so overwhelmed, by what I just saw. The niggling thoughts and reconsiderations have yet to gatecrash their way past the bouncers of my brain and ruin the party inside.

Ah, what a cool movie. (It's kind of apt that I incorporate a little movie reviewing action early on in the life of this site, I mean THAT'S never been done before, right?) We saw a good friend of mine exit the cinema we were about to enter. He'd just seen the movie and reminded me of something I'd said to him a couple of years ago: that The Matrix is the Star Wars of our time. (Smirk not, the similarities are easy to see) After the movie I stood at the bottom of the escalator waiting for Warren to finish in the restroom. I watched all the other people who had just seen the movie with me, all of them my age, leaving the cinema and was struck by a thought. The Waczowski Brothers have managed to make movies that present questions of spirituality, and challenge the generally accepted view of reality to an audience, a generation, that generally doesn't care for spirituality; that does not like to challenge it's own perception of the world. To make these ideas not only accessible to the lowest common denominator (terrible, terrible phrase to use) of my generation, but to hold their attention while doing it? I'm impressed. Warren actually put it very succinctly (if somewhat overstated. His use of hyperbole being only somewhat flagrant) only minutes before, as we came out into the bright lights of the lobby, following along with the crowd. He said: "And now there are a million different opinions." He was commenting on the discussion taking place around us, but in light of the above I've realised that everyone has the choice to take away whatever they want from what they saw. Whether they make any attempt at thinking further or not. Somewhat melodramatic for what can ultimately be described as just another kungfu movie only with strong ties to Anime. Perhaps I'm choosing to see more than what is there.

That was the incoherent paragraph for the day, expect to see more of them as I use this site as my own private brain dump. I promise to keep it to a minimum though.

In other news, I was called "a star" today. As in "thanks man, you're a star". I don't mind being called that, just not from a +-35 year old guy. And a very manly guy at that. An average guy would never be expected to use such a term for someone like me. I mean, I'm nice and polite and understanding and all, but cut a guy some slack, jeesh! A star?? Might as well have slapped my ass and called me toots!

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Slow as socket creep 

There are many interesting and entertaining places on the 'net. This is not one of them.

Not yet anyway. Please be patient.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

hello world

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